How to Crush Welcoming at Youth
For many youth, whether or not they feel welcome determines whether or not they keep coming to Friday Youth. If they keep coming, they will keep hearing the gospel of Jesus, the gospel that has the power of salvation! If they don’t come back, they may not hear about Jesus.
Cliquey-ness is an age-old problem with youth groups too. A girl I went to youth group with stopped coming. Years later, I bumped into her at a party. I asked her why she stopped coming. She said that youth was heaps cliquey, and there were lots of factions, and she simply couldn’t break through. No one wanted to talk to her. So she stopped coming.
This is heaps bad. Cliques and factions are destructive. Paul spends the first four chapters of 1 Corinthians saying how bad they are, and how much we need the gospel to shape our culture to destroy them. (The factions in 1 Corinthians are obviously different factions to the kinds of cliques you see at youth groups. But they’re still a problem! And the gospel is still the solution!)
I also remember once talking to a youth leader who quit their youth leadership team because it was too cliquey.
If we are serious about the gospel and its power to transform us and the culture of our youth group, we want to be thinking seriously and carefully about how we go about welcoming people, and making sure we’re not cliquey.
Here are some tips to help us think through how we go about welcoming.
1. Remember what we’re on about
Remember what we’re on about in Youth ministry. We want to see God glorified as people grow to become more like Jesus. We want to see youth inviting their friends to Youth and inviting their friends to come to know Jesus. We want to see teens involved in serving. And we want to be a welcoming community. If we’re not a welcoming community, it’s going to be very hard to do all that other stuff because nobody will want to come.
2. Wear their shoes (or crocs)
Imagine you’re a 12-year-old boy or a 16-year-old girl attending Youth for the first time. Or maybe you’ve been twice before but haven’t come for two months. Or maybe you come every week but you’re super shy and still don’t know anyone.
How do you feel? What are you nervous about? What are you feeling insecure about? As you get out of the car? As you walk up to the front door? As you bump into the first person? As you grab dinner, or head in for the game? As you see a closed circle of youth who all seem to know each other?
It’s important that we stop and think about how the youth are probably feeling when they show up.
3. At the start of the night
As leaders we need to be models of how to welcome. How can we expect our youth to be welcoming if we’re not? How can we expect our youth not to be cliquey if we are cliquey as leaders? This starts at the start of the night.
At the start of the night, it’s heaps important that we greet the youth as soon as they come. Make sure that you talk to them. Show a genuine interest in them. Ask them questions.
What school do you go to?
What year are you in?
What do you like to do on the weekend?
How did you hear about Youth?
Do you know anyone here?
If they don’t seem to be talking to other youth, introduce them. Help them find someone you reckon they might get along with. If they seem like a sporty person, direct them to the basketballers. If they seem chill, send them to the cards table. If they seem nerdy, send them to the chess table or the video games. Maybe?
4. During game and session
Keep an eye out for youth who look lost or out of place during the games. Chat with them, even if it means sitting out of the game. It’s more important that the youth feels cared for than whether or not they play the game. Grab another youth to come sit with you.
Similar thing when you go to the session (or whatever you call the bit where you’re all seated in chairs and hear the talk). Keep an eye out for someone sitting on their own. Go sit down next to them. Or get one of the other youth to sit next to them.
5. During groups
Always make sure you allow enough time during groups for everyone to get to know each other, especially if there’s a new person or someone who doesn’t know the others very well. Think of some questions to ask to break the ice. I like to go with name, school and a random question like:
What’s something new or good from your week?
If you could have any super-power, what would it be?
Would you rather travel back in time to meet your ancestors or to the future to meet your descendants?
Would you rather have the ability to fly or be invisible?
Would you rather never have to work again or never have to sleep again and why?
Would you rather have unlimited sushi for life or unlimited tacos for life?
Would you rather be able to speak all foreign languages or be able to communicate with animals?
Would you rather chocolate flavoured ice cream or ice cream-flavoured chocolate?
Anything just to get the youth talking. If it relates to what you’re about to discuss from the Bible, even better! But it’s ok if it’s lighthearted.
6. Train the youth
Some youth are good at welcoming new people, but most are not. Train your youth to welcome new people and to look out for people who haven’t been connected in. One of the best times for this is during discussion groups. You could even read this article with them.
7. Share stories
Maybe you could interview one of the youth up the front during the session to share about how they were welcomed at Youth, and what difference it made for them. Get them to encourage the other youth to think about how they can welcome people.
8. GTKY games
Sometimes playing a “Get to know you” (GTKY) game with the big group can be a helpful way of getting the youth to integrate. Human bingo is always a winner.
Have a look on Google or ChatGPT and you’ll find some good game ideas. (And some bad ones. Be discerning.)
9. Follow up
If a new person comes along, follow them up. Send their parents a text or give them a phone call. See how they found Youth. Tell them how good it was to see them. Same thing if it’s someone who hasn’t been in a while.
Here’s a generic follow-up text message you could adapt and use:
Hi ___.
This is ___ from ___ Youth. It was so great to see ___ on Friday. I was just wondering how ___ found things? If you have any questions about Youth, please feel free to get in touch. Cheers, ____
And if you haven’t seen a youth in a while, you can send them a message like this:
Hi ___.
___ from ___Youth here. I noticed that we haven’t seen ___ in a while at Youth. How are things going? We’d love to see ___ again one Friday soon! If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Cheers, ___
This shows them that they are genuinely cared for and genuinely missed. I’ve often seen youth return the week after I text their parents.
10. Pray!
Lastly, don’t forget to pray! Pray that God would make your youth group a place where everyone who comes feels welcomed and cared for. Pray that the youth who come would stick around and be changed by the gospel of Jesus.
